6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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