Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
