I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
