u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
