This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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