To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
