My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
