you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
not ubering you a puppy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
