; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
