Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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