Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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