Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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