Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
