I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
