I will die if light touches me.
In America we eat man semen.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
