So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
