Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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