life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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