he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
