im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
