I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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