I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
