Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
