Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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