I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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