They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
