Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
