and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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