I can't watch pbs sober anymore
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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