we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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