i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
