Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
