I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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