thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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