Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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