Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
