My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
