By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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