Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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