the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
