Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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