Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
