flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
