Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
