haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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