So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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