We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i think my cat just said my name.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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