Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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