I want to have your abortion
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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