I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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