it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
