just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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