I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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