Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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