I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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