youre lurking in front of me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
