I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
