Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
