Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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