I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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