but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
