i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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