You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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