sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
