I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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