dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
