What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
