Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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