I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
