Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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