My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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