I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
