quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
