They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize